Best for Him

Category: Mental Heath

  • The unrealistic standard: how porn negatively affects men and their perception of sex 

    The unrealistic standard: how porn negatively affects men and their perception of sex 

    Pornography, also known as porn, refers to media content that is composed of sexually suggestive material which may be in the form of pictures, video, text, or audio that is intended for sexual arousal. Although its consumption is common around the world, it does affect one’s perception and attitudes towards sex and relationships. With the coming of the digital age, porn has become easily accessible to everyone and offers a wide variety of sexual content. This easy access to pornography has a long-term impact on one’s perception of sex, relationships, and how they view women. Excessive consumption of porn can even lead to addiction, which is a widespread problem around the globe. A study conducted in 42 countries shows that around 3.2% to 16.6% experience problematic pornography use, with a higher prevalence among men. Another study conducted in India by Sharma et al. Titled “Use of Pornography in India: Need to Explore Its Implications” (2019) showed that pornography usage among men is more common.

    Negative Effects of Pornography on Men

    1. Distorted Perception of Reality: Pornography often presents an unrealistic portrayal of sex and relationships, leading men to develop skewed expectations about intimacy and sexual performance.
    2. Relationship Issues: Excessive porn use can create problems in romantic relationships, including decreased sexual satisfaction and emotional disconnect.
    3. Sexual Dysfunction: Some studies suggest a correlation between heavy porn consumption and erectile dysfunction or decreased libido in men.
    4. Addiction: As mentioned, pornography can lead to addiction, which may interfere with daily life, responsibilities, and personal relationships.
    5. Objectification of Women: Regular exposure to porn can contribute to the objectification of women, affecting how men view and treat women in real life.
    6. Mental Health Issues: Increased porn consumption is associated with anxiety, depression, and feelings of guilt or shame.

    How does it affect the perception of sex? 

    Consumption of porn sets unrealistic standards for both men and women as these media forms often portray exaggerated sexual acts and physical appearance. This leads to a distorted perception of sex and intimacy which can strain relationships as they tend to expect partners to perform in ways that mimic what is seen in porn. This can lead to dissatisfaction when reality doesn’t align with their set standards. Porn also tends to exaggerate physical appearance as male actors are often shown with unusually large genitalia. This portrayal can shape insecurities in men about their bodies and can worsen their mental health.

    How consumption of porn can affect relationships?

    Pornography can eat up healthy relationships as individuals who consume porn tend to compare their partners to those actors based on appearance and behaviour. The unrealistic expectations can strain relationships due to dissatisfaction and over time, can lead to emotional distance and lack of intimacy. The excessive consumption of porn can also lead to low interest in real-life sexual activities. Men over time even find it difficult to find real-world sexual encounters arousing. This also goes on to affect their mental health.

    Mental Health and Self-Perception

    Overconsumption of pornography often leaves men with significant mental health challenges. This can lead to distorted body image, and insecurity in sexual performance which can also lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. The constant comparison with actors can also cause distress among men and cause mental health difficulties. Men who seek gratification through porn can make them feel disconnected from their values and morals. This problematic usage of porn can also lead to anxiety, depression, and even difficulty forming or maintaining meaningful relationships. When men compare their worth against the exaggerated performances of actors in porn, their self-esteem is affected leading to a vicious cycle of shame and escapism.

    How to Overcome Porn Addiction? 

    Getting out of this toxic cycle is not easy it requires effort, self-awareness and motivation to change. Here are some steps men can take to overcome porn addiction and its negative effects:

    1. Recognize the Problem – The first major step is to accept that consumption of such media is a problem which affects their relationships, mental health and overall perception of sex. 
    2. Set Realistic Goals – Setting a realistic goal which is achievable is important because having a clear set goal can keep you motivated.
    3. Seek Assistance – Seek professional help if needed to guide you through and help in creating a goal. Support groups, friends and family can also provide support to motivate the individual. 
    4. Identify Triggers – Is important to replace these with healthy alternatives like physical activity, yoga, reading or pursuing their interests. 
    5. Practice Mindfulness Practicing mindfulness can help with controlling urges and promoting self-esteem. 
    6. Educate Yourself – Educating the effects of porn and how it can affect one’s personal and social life is important. As it can lead an individual to get addicted.

    Being free from consuming porn may be challenging but it’s a step towards personal growth and helps in building better relationships. The unrealistic standards set by the porn industry can cause various negative impacts on the overall well-being. It’s time to promote and recognize true intimacy which is just not about physicality but also emotional connection and mutual respect which no pornographic content can replicate. One can exit this toxic cycle by realizing the harm done by porn and then prioritising interpersonal relationships and maintaining a positive body image which can promote overall well-being and stronger relationships.

    Reference 

    New research sheds light on the global impact of problematic pornography use

    Sharma, M. K., Rao, G. N., Benegal, V., Thennarasu, K., & Oommen, D. (2019). Use of pornography in India: Need to explore its implications. The National Medical Journal of India, 32(5), 282–284. https://doi.org/10.4103/0970-258X.295968

    https://www.addictioncenter.com/community/signs-of-porn-addiction

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction

    https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/porn-addiction-possible

    https://www.priorygroup.com/addiction-treatment/porn-addiction/porn-addiction-symptoms

    https://valleyspringrecovery.com/addiction/behavioral/pornography

  • Can Masculinity and Vulnerability Coexist? Redefining Masculinity in the Modern Age

    Can Masculinity and Vulnerability Coexist? Redefining Masculinity in the Modern Age

    The idea of masculinity has long been associated with strength, stoicism, and an unwavering emotional shield. But in recent years, society has begun redefining masculinity, questioning whether the traditional archetype of manhood leaves space for emotional depth and sensitivity. This shift challenges the long-standing belief that masculinity and vulnerability are mutually exclusive. Instead, it embraces a healthier model where male vulnerability and emotional openness are celebrated rather than stigmatized. By breaking male stereotypes, men can lead more fulfilling lives free from the constraints of toxic masculinity.

    The Burden of Traditional Masculinity

    For generations, men have been conditioned to suppress their emotions, equating vulnerability with weakness. The concept of toxic masculinity perpetuates the idea that real men must always be dominant, invulnerable, and emotionally detached. While these traits may have been idealized in certain historical and cultural contexts, they often leave men grappling with internal conflicts. Bottling up emotions can lead to mental health issues, strained relationships, and a lack of self-awareness.

    This traditional model of masculinity has also impacted societal perceptions of men’s roles. Boys are often taught from a young age to “man up” or “be tough,” which reinforces the idea that vulnerability is unacceptable. As a result, emotional expression becomes a taboo subject, creating a cycle of emotional repression.

    The Power of Vulnerability and redefining masculinity

    Modern discussions around redefining masculinity emphasize that being vulnerable doesn’t undermine a man’s strength—it enhances it. Vulnerability allows men to connect on a deeper level with themselves and others. It fosters trust, understanding, and empathy, qualities essential for personal and professional relationships.

    Leaders in mental health and gender studies have increasingly advocated for the normalization of male vulnerability. Encouraging men to share their fears, insecurities, and emotions helps dismantle the stigma surrounding emotional openness. Moreover, this shift doesn’t erase traditional notions of strength but reframes them to include emotional courage.

    How to Break Male Stereotypes? 

    Self awareness is the first step in the journey to breaking male stereotypes. 

    1. Emotions aren’t enemies: 

    Men can begin their emotion affirmative journey by identifying and expressing their internal thoughts and emotions to their loved ones such as friends or family. Additionally, they can also do so while talking to a therapist. 

    2. Challenging Norms: 

    It is important to break our internal indoctrination and start speaking out against phrases like “boys don’t cry”. This helps to challenge outdated gender norms and normalize the humanness of feelings and emotions. 

    3. Building a Role Model:

    You can guide the path and become a role model for other men struggling with expressing vulnerability and emotions. Once you embrace emotional openness, you can inspire others to do the same. 

    4. Importance of Seeking Support:

    Joining support groups or seeking therapy normalizes seeking help, a crucial step in breaking down the barriers of toxic masculinity.

    The Role of Media and Representation

    Media plays a crucial role in forming popular perception of things. You’d often see in recent movies in bollywood, men are being portrayed as more human, more vulnerable and more emotionally attuned. While in older films, you’d see them portray more typical masculine roles associated with action scenes, vengeance, fights and strength. It is now obvious that popular culture has a significant influence on societal perceptions of masculinity. In recent times, shows are being written carefully, and emotionally complex characters who balance strength with sensitivity are helping to shift the narrative around what is masculinity. A good example of the same would be the character of Ayan from  the movie “Ae Dil Hai Mushkil”– a character played by Ranbir Kapoor who showcases emotional vulnerability and the internal struggles of men dealing with unrequited love. 

    These nuanced portrayals of men in the media play an instrumental role in normalising male vulnerability. This opens up discussions about why representation matters. Seeing emotionally open men on the big screen or in social media content can highlight a shift in how men are perceived which can encourage others to follow suit.

    Overcoming Challenges to Embrace Vulnerability

    Although there is considerable progress, challenges stand tall in the pursuit of achieving widespread acceptance of a new definition of masculinity. There is a huge chunk of men who still face ridicule and mockery when they try to express their emotions. They are faced with questions like, “Are you even a man?” Or “Are you a girl? ” Often using the feminine or the female gender as an insult to traditional notions of masculinity. Fear of rejection and societal backlash can make it difficult for men to fully embrace vulnerability.

    However, it is important to overcome these obstacles. It begins with the act of creating safe spaces for men to express themselves without any fear of judgment or societal pressure. This can be in the form of therapy, support groups, or even healthy friendships based on kindness, compassion and trust.

    A New Definition of Masculinity

    The core of masculinity is not a fixed concept but it is important to understand that social norms and roles are often fluid and constantly evolving, they are not static– people change, society changes and so do its roots and perceptions. Redefining masculinity suggests the rejection of old and outdated notions of a stoic, dominant man who dwells in the fear of coming off as “woman-like”. The ideas of emotional honesty, authenticity and vulnerability are to be embraced and encouraged to promote better mental well-being and emotional self-assurance. Men who embrace these traits are stronger, self-aware and can navigate the complexities of modern life without wearing a mask or playing by the society’s unwritten rules. 

    By breaking male stereotypes and challenging the norms of toxic masculinity, society can create the way for a healthier and more authentic expression of manhood. Vulnerability and strength are not incongruous, they are interdependent and yet independent of each other. They are complementary forces– when blended together they can actualise a man’s emotional potential to the fullest, which can in turn, develop his personal growth and enhance his interpersonal relationships with more meaning and depth. 

    In a world increasingly focused on mental health and emotional well-being, it’s time to redefine what it means to be a man. It is important for us to celebrate the courage it takes to be vulnerable and the strength it requires to embrace emotional openness. Together, we can build a future where masculinity and vulnerability coexist harmoniously.

  • Parenting Problems: Sneaking Into the Issues of Postpartum Depression in Men

    Parenting Problems: Sneaking Into the Issues of Postpartum Depression in Men

    The birth of a new baby is typically portrayed as a joyful and satisfying occurrence. It is indeed a great feeling for anyone, to welcome a new child into your life, and embark on a journey of new happiness, new responsibilities, and new joy. But there’s another side to this story. The truth is that both mothers and fathers may struggle during the postpartum period. Although it is well-known that postpartum depression in women has received a great deal of attention, it is equally vital to recognize that postpartum depression can afflict men. Postpartum depression can affect people who are not new moms. It is critical to recognize that fathers might suffer from postpartum depression, commonly known as paternal postpartum depression (PPPD). This disorder often manifests itself within the first six months after their child’s birth and can result in a variety of emotional, cognitive, and physical concerns.

    Being a parent is a life-changing experience, and many fathers endure stress or anxiety at this time. Some men may experience postpartum depression due to hormonal changes, a loss of sleep, adjusting to the new obligations of fatherhood, and a variety of other factors.

    For many men, the birth of a child may be both exciting and stressful. They may struggle to juggle their personal life, employment responsibilities, and the responsibilities of caring for a newborn. Financial stress, interpersonal challenges, and a lack of family or friend support may exacerbate these symptoms.


    What are some of the signs of postpartum depression in men?

    • Mood swings: Men who have experienced postpartum depression may have irritation and mood swings. He may have abrupt mood swings and become easily enraged or annoyed by seemingly insignificant things. This emotional upheaval can be bewildering and disturbing for both the father and those close to him.
    • Fatigue and a lack of energy: Low energy and weariness are common early-motherhood symptoms, but persistent exhaustion that does not go away with rest may be an indication of postpartum depression. The parent may constantly feel fatigued and depleted of his once-present vigor.
    • Changes in appetite and weight: Changes in appetite and weight: Postpartum depression can impact a man’s requirements, leading to changes in eating patterns. He may lose his appetite or get complacent via overeating. These changes may affect weight growth or decrease.
    • Long-term mourning and a melancholy attitude: Postpartum depression may be indicated if a new father in your life exhibits long-term or persistent unhappiness. He may lose interest in previous interests and struggle to find joy or inspiration in daily activities.


    Several studies have been undertaken, and it has been discovered that between 5 and 10% of fathers suffer from postpartum depression. It’s important to realize that the figures could be higher because postpartum depression in men is frequently misdiagnosed or mistreated. Paternal postpartum depression is frequent in the first year after a child’s birth, with symptoms often manifesting within the first three to six months. Postpartum depression can hurt a father’s health, relationships, and ability to bond with his child. It may result in reduced engagement in child care, strained relationships, and increased stress for the entire family.


    What can be done to heal things?

    For men who have fallen victim to postpartum depression, assistance, and care are essential. Keep in mind that asking for assistance doesn’t make someone weak; rather, it demonstrates strength and dedication to their well-being. Here are some tactics that could be effective:

    • Communicate and be open: Encourage the father to discuss his feelings and concerns with his spouse, family, or close friends. If you can converse openly and honestly while also feeling free to express your emotions. Knowing and knowing that others can feel and empathize with what you are going through can be quite relieving.
    • Seek specialist support: Mental health professionals are trained to help persons suffering from postpartum depression. You should consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in this area. These specialists can offer guidance, help, and evidence-based treatments tailored to specific needs. During therapy, you might develop coping techniques and analyze your thoughts and emotions.
    • Join support groups: Join a support group. Get in touch with other dads who have dealt with postpartum depression. Support groups build a feeling of community by allowing members to talk about their experiences, express their ideas, and gain valuable lessons from others who have been in similar situations. Knowing that you are not alone and that others have successfully navigated through this trying era is empowering.
    • Prioritize self-care: Make self-care a priority by reminding him of its significance. Support activities that help to improve both physical and mental health. Regular activity, such as taking walks or engaging in a pastime, might enhance mood by releasing endorphins. Encourage yourself to create a reliable sleep schedule because getting enough sleep is essential, and if you can, ask for assistance with taking care of the infant at night. A balanced diet gives you the nutrients you need for good physical and mental health.
    • Other things to keep in mind: Relaxation techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, or deep breathing exercises may also help you manage stress and anxiety. So set aside some time each day for himself, even if it’s only a few minutes, so he can indulge in hobbies like photography or cooking, or simply relax and recharge.

    Conclusion

    In conclusion, postpartum depression may impact males as well as women. It is essential to identify and treat the symptoms of postpartum depression in fathers to give them the understanding and support they require during this period. We can create a setting where men feel comfortable asking for support and sharing their stories by encouraging open and nonjudgmental dialogues.

    To effectively treat postpartum depression, fathers must be encouraged to seek professional aid. To support men on their journey, mental health specialists can provide direction, counseling, and, if necessary, medication. Self-care activities like exercise, enough sleep, and a healthy diet can help improve their general wellness to a great extent.


    Together, let’s fight the stigma attached to male postpartum depression and create a warm, supportive space where fathers can openly discuss their mental health. By doing this, we can make certain that no one feels alone in their battle with mental health issues after the birth of a new child. By working together, we may assist men in overcoming the stigma associated with postpartum depression and embracing their crucial responsibilities as devoted and caring fathers.

  • Why Do Men Avoid Sex and Keep Getting Back to Porn?

    Why Do Men Avoid Sex and Keep Getting Back to Porn?

    In the digital age, pornography has become readily accessible, making it easier than ever for individuals to indulge in explicit content. While pornography use is common among both men and women, there is a growing concern about its impact on intimate relationships, particularly in the case of men who avoid sex in favor of porn. This article delves into the reasons why some men may resort to porn over physical intimacy, explores the effects it can have on their relationships, and suggests potential solutions to address this issue.

    13 Reasons Why Men Choose Porn Over Sex

    Unlocking the reasons behind men’s preference for pornography over sex is a complex exploration into the depths of human psychology and societal influences. From the allure of instant gratification and fear of intimacy to the escapism it provides, pornography becomes an enticing outlet for various emotional and psychological needs. In this piece, we delve into thirteen key factors that shed light on why some men turn to the fantasy world of porn to fulfill their sexual desires, while circumventing the complexities and vulnerabilities of real relationships:

    1. Instant Gratification: Pornography offers a quick and easily attainable source of sexual stimulation without the complexities and effort required in a real relationship. Men may turn to porn as a way to satisfy their immediate desires without the need for emotional connection or vulnerability.
    2. Fear of Intimacy: Some men may have deep-rooted fears of emotional intimacy, vulnerability, or commitment, which can lead them to avoid sex and engage in pornography as a means to distance themselves from the emotional aspects of a relationship.
    3. Performance Anxiety: The pressure to perform sexually can be overwhelming for some men, leading to anxiety and self-doubt. Pornography provides a fantasy world where unrealistic sexual prowess is portrayed, allowing them to escape the fear of not measuring up to societal expectations.
    4. Relationship Issues: Troubled relationships, unresolved conflicts, or a lack of communication can impact a man’s desire for sex with their partner. Pornography may offer a way to cope with the dissatisfaction or frustration within the relationship.
    5. Stress and Fatigue: Modern life often brings high levels of stress and fatigue due to work, family responsibilities, and other obligations. When men are mentally and physically exhausted, they may opt for the convenience of pornography as a quick outlet for sexual release rather than engaging in more demanding real-life intimacy.
    6. Escapism: Pornography can serve as an escape from reality, allowing men to temporarily dissociate from their problems, worries, or insecurities. In times of emotional distress, porn’s fantasy world is alluring because it offers a sense of pleasure and control.
    7. Novelty and Variety: One of the attractions of pornography is the vast array of content available, catering to various fetishes and preferences. Men may turn to porn to seek novel and diverse sexual experiences that may not be readily available or explored in their real relationships.
    8. Lack of Sexual Confidence: Insecurity about one’s sexual performance or body image can lead to anxiety and a fear of intimacy. Watching porn may be a way for some men to avoid potential judgment or rejection from a partner and maintain a sense of sexual confidence.
    9. Sexual Trauma or Past Negative Experiences: Men who have experienced sexual trauma or negative sexual encounters in the past may develop an aversion to physical intimacy. Turning to pornography may seem safer and less emotionally challenging than engaging in real-life sexual interactions.
    10. Unavailability of a Partner: Single men or those in long-distance relationships may resort to porn when a partner is not physically present or accessible, fulfilling their sexual needs temporarily until they can be with their partner again.
    11. Cultural or Religious Influences: Societal norms, cultural beliefs, or religious teachings might instill guilt, shame, or taboos surrounding sex. As a result, some men may suppress their sexual desires and turn to pornography as a way to satisfy their needs clandestinely.
    12. Lack of Sex Education: Insufficient or inadequate sex education can lead to misconceptions about sex and relationships. Some men may rely on pornography as their primary source of sexual knowledge, leading to unrealistic expectations and behaviors in real-life situations.
    13. Fear of Vulnerability: Engaging in physical intimacy requires vulnerability and emotional openness, which can be intimidating for some men. Pornography offers a seemingly safe and non-judgmental space to explore sexuality without the risk of emotional exposure.

    How Watching porn Affects Your Relationship

    The influence of pornography on intimate relationships is a subject that demands attention and understanding. We explore the multifaceted effects of watching porn on romantic partnerships. From the strain it can put on emotional bonds to the potential for addiction and decreased libido, we delve into the various ways in which porn consumption can impact the dynamics between partners. Additionally, we shed light on the objectification of partners, unrealistic expectations, and the concerning link between excessive porn use and erectile dysfunction, uncovering the complexities surrounding this pervasive issue in modern relationships:

    1. Relationship Strain: Regular porn consumption in place of intimacy can create emotional distance between partners, leading to feelings of neglect, insecurity, and resentment.
    2. Impact on Intimate Communication: Pornography focuses primarily on physical pleasure and may neglect the importance of emotional intimacy and communication during sex. Men who rely heavily on porn might struggle to develop the necessary skills to connect with their partners on a deeper level during intimate moments.
    3. Emotional Detachment: Regularly engaging in pornography instead of seeking physical intimacy can lead to emotional detachment from a partner. This emotional distance may erode the intimacy and connection that are vital for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
    4. Objectification of Partners: Exposure to pornography, which often portrays unrealistic and objectifying depictions of individuals, may influence a man’s perception of his partner. This objectification can hinder their ability to see their partner as an equal, leading to a lack of emotional connection during intimate moments.
    5. Unrealistic Expectations: Frequent exposure to porn can lead to unrealistic expectations about sex, body image, and relationships, making it challenging to connect with a real partner on a deeper, more meaningful level.
    6. Addiction: Excessive porn use can lead to addiction, causing a negative impact on a man’s mental health, productivity, and overall quality of life.
    7. Decreased Libido: Frequent porn consumption can lead to desensitization, reducing a man’s natural libido and interest in real-life sexual encounters. This decline in sexual desire may further exacerbate relationship issues and intimacy problems.
    8. Erectile Dysfunction: An excessive reliance on porn may exacerbate erectile dysfunction by desensitizing the brain’s reward system, making it more difficult for real-world experiences to arouse it.

    Overcoming Pornography and Strengthening Relationships

    Strengthening relationships and overcoming the influence of pornography requires proactive efforts and open communication. We explore practical strategies for couples seeking to regain emotional intimacy and connection. From creating a supportive environment to attending sex education workshops together, we delve into ways partners can foster understanding and trust while addressing underlying issues. Additionally, we highlight the significance of seeking professional help, implementing “porn-free” periods, and engaging in intimacy-building exercises to rekindle the bond between partners. By identifying triggers and limiting exposure to harmful content, couples can pave the way for a healthier, more fulfilling relationship:

    1. Create a Supportive Environment: Partners can actively support each other in overcoming porn use by offering understanding, encouragement, and patience during the process of change.
    2. Open Communication: Encouraging open and honest communication about sexual desires, preferences, and concerns within a relationship can help address underlying issues and foster a deeper emotional connection.
    3. Engage in Sex Education Together: Couples can attend sex education workshops or seminars together to gain a better understanding of each other’s needs, desires, and boundaries. This shared knowledge can foster open communication and intimacy in the relationship.
    4. Seek Professional Help: If a man finds himself struggling to stop porn use despite negative consequences, seeking the support of a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual addiction can be beneficial.
    5. Implement “Porn-Free” Periods: Encourage men to take periodic breaks from pornography, such as a “porn-free week” or “porn-free month.” During this time, they can focus on strengthening their emotional connection with their partner and exploring alternative ways to find pleasure and intimacy.
    6. Intimacy-Building Exercises: Engaging in activities that promote emotional intimacy and bonding, such as couples’ therapy, date nights, or engaging in shared hobbies, can strengthen the connection between partners.
    7. Limit Exposure to Triggers: Identify triggers that may lead to pornography use and find ways to limit exposure to these triggers. For example, avoid websites or environments that promote explicit content.
    8. Seek Professional Relationship Coaching: In addition to individual therapy, consider engaging in relationship coaching with a qualified professional who specializes in intimacy and communication. This can help couples address challenges and enhance their emotional and physical connection.

    Conclusion

    Numerous psychological, emotional, and societal factors have an impact on the phenomenon of men avoiding sex and turning to pornography. While pornography itself is not inherently harmful, excessive use can have detrimental effects on intimate relationships and overall well-being. By addressing the underlying reasons for this behavior, implementing open communication, seeking professional help when needed, and actively working on building emotional intimacy, men can find a healthier balance between their sexual desires and meaningful connections with their partners. It is essential to recognize that authentic, fulfilling relationships require effort, understanding, and mutual support, qualities that pornography alone cannot provide.

    Written by: Aniket Joshi

    Edited by: Puneet Kapani