When it comes to confidence, we all have areas where we are strong and areas where we are weak.
Confidence is often associated with competence; the better you are at something, the more confident you are in your ability to do it.
The internet is full of confidence-boosting tips, from how to talk to women to power poses.
But there is something equally important but far less discussed: the confidence mistakes that men make.
It’s time to break those bad habits, gentlemen.
Confidence Mistake No #1: Comparing Yourself To Others
It is all too easy to start comparing yourself to others in the age of social media. Your coworkers who make more money than you are promoted ahead of you. Your friends are all married, but you’re still single. They are purchasing expensive homes and automobiles.
While you can barely afford rent, let alone that junk you call a car. What can be difficult to remember is that social media is a mirage, not real life. It’s a montage of everything people want you to see.
What happens behind closed doors may astound you. That expensive car is financed, and the large house is financially crippling them. Those couples are constantly arguing. That could be true… or it could be false. The truth is that you can’t possibly know. Instead of focusing on what others have, concentrate on what you want and what you need to do to obtain it.
When you concentrate on other people, you lose sight of yourself and limit your own potential. The only person to whom you should compare yourself is yourself yesterday. Are you a better person today, and what have you done to improve your life or the lives of others?
This necessitates a level of self-awareness and honesty that can be challenging. This may necessitate a lot of hard truths and taking this next confidence mistake seriously.
Confidence Mistake #2: Not Owning Your Failures
It is difficult to admit you have done something wrong. Accepting that we made the wrong decision was extremely difficult. That we did not plan thoroughly enough. That we were insufficient.
We are frequently taught as children to be ashamed of our failures. To look for another person or thing to blame. “It’s not my fault,” you say. It’s this person’s fault, the faulty equipment’s fault, the economy’s fault.
This is the mindset of a loser. Winners understand that failure is unavoidable and, more importantly, beneficial. Failure is not a bad thing; it is an opportunity to learn and grow. We all fail, and the more inexperienced we are at something, the more frequently we fail. But with time and practise, we can improve.
When you refuse to accept failure, you are denying yourself the opportunity to learn and grow. It takes bravery to admit failure. Learning from mistakes requires understanding what went wrong and how to avoid it in the future.
It is the nature of weak men to blame others.
Mistake #3: Letting Fear Guide You
Fear is a strong emotion.
Ironically, it’s frightening how powerful fear can be. Fear can paralyse us, preventing us from achieving our goals and living our lives. Many people live in fear, imprisoned by their own insecurities.
Fear can cause you to become stagnant and prevent you from seizing opportunities for fear of them not working out. It is the reason why people stay in the same job they despise for 15 years because they are too afraid to try something new.
However, fear can be beneficial. It can assist us in distinguishing between safe and dangerous situations, often without our conscious awareness. When you get that gut feeling that “something about this doesn’t feel right,” and it’s not until later that you realise you avoided a bullet by listening to it.
This is due to the fact that there are two types of fear. There are two types of fear: rational and irrational. The fear that comes from the physical world is rational fear, such as the fear of falling when you’re up high. This is a natural and healthy fear.
Fear of the mind is irrational fear. Fear stems from imagining what could go wrong and preventing you from trying. This type of fear is your adversary; do not allow it to control you.
Confidence Mistake #4: Surrounding Yourself With The Wrong People
The people you associate with can have a significant impact on who you are. When you surround yourself with negative people, you become more negative.
Even if you’re in a bad mood, you’ll soon find yourself having fun if you’re surrounded by positive people who are all having a good time.
People generally surround themselves with three types of people. Some people surround themselves with “Yes, men”.
People who are weaker than you, who agree with you and never challenge your point of view. This is great for boosting your ego, but it is only temporary. This causes you to become arrogant and prevents you from growing.
Others associate with people who are just as weak as they are. This is done so that they are no longer under pressure to succeed. After all, if your peers are content doing the same things, why should you strive to be better?
Remember, if you surround yourself with people who are going nowhere, you will end up there as well.
Finally, some people surround themselves with people who are stronger than them. This is the type of person you should be around.
People who will challenge you, point out your flaws, teach you new skills, and lift you up. You can only learn something that you do not already know, so surround yourself with people who do.
Mistake #5: Only Thinking Of Yourself
It’s easy to be selfish, and we all are on occasion. The issue is that some people are so preoccupied with themselves that everything revolves around them. We’ve all met that person. You tell them about something you’re excited about, and they outdo you. They have a larger house, a more expensive car, and a more expensive watch.
You do not want to be that guy, gentleman. It’s fine to be proud of your accomplishments, but it’s also important to be humble and grateful for what you have.
Listen to what people are saying to you rather than thinking about what you will say next. You might learn something new or develop a closer relationship with someone. Not only that, but you never know when those same connections will lead to a chance for you.
You should not network and build relationships with the expectation of receiving something in return; this is completely wrong. However, if you cultivate genuine relationships with people, you will discover that they will return 20 times what you put in.
Confidence Mistake #6: Constantly Complaining
Complaining keeps you focused on the negative; it prevents you from seeing what you need and how to get it, instead focusing on what you lack.
It turns people off; no one likes a complainer.
Complaining attracts more negativity, and you can easily become trapped in a cycle. You complain about what you don’t have, which makes you look bad, which means opportunities stop coming your way, which you then complain about, and so on.
Venting your frustrations can be healthy and cathartic, but do so in a way that does not annoy those around you. Journaling is an excellent method for relieving stress because it does not involve anyone else.
Working out also releases dopamine, which has been scientifically proven to make you happy. When you are content, you will not complain. If you decide to start exercising, or if you already do.
Mistake #7: Not Knowing Your Limits
We all have limitations; there is only so much time in the day, and we can only do so much. People frequently make the mistake of not knowing their own limits.
You overextend yourself because you don’t know your limits. This causes you to become exhausted. Worse, when an opportunity presents itself, you lack the time and resources to pursue it.
The ability to say NO is an important skill. Learn to say no to what you don’t want in order to say yes to what you do want.
We should be pushing our limits; taking on challenges and having a goal to achieve is an important part of growth. Still, it’s critical to start small and work your way up. You don’t just start running and run a marathon. Begin with a short run, then progress to a 5K, and finally a half marathon.
Taking on a challenge that is too difficult will set you up for failure and undermine your confidence.