After a miscarriage, women are frequently the centre of attention. Considering that it can only occur in their bodies, the effects are more immediate and personal. But research indicates that losing a pregnancy can have a similarly devastating effect on their partners.
In 2010, a team led by Dr. Grace Kong of the Prince of Wales Hospital in Hong Kong monitored 83 couples’ psychological responses for a year following a miscarriage. They discovered that more than 40% of men (and, by comparison, 52% of women) had severe psychological suffering just after the miscarriage. 10 percent of women and 7 percent of men still had depressive symptoms a year later.
Despite these findings, men rarely receive the same level of assistance following a miscarriage. Due to social conditioning, many people suppress their emotions in an effort to be strong for their partners. It may also cause others to overlook or minimise the sadness experienced by men after a miscarriage.
Miscarriage fathers are aware that there won’t be a little child to play with, go fishing with, or see grow up. Most of the time, a father’s desire to have kids is just as real and important as a mother’s.
Fixing problems is the normal male response to a crisis (and one of their partners’ main criticisms of them). However, a miscarriage cannot be reversed. Only time will be able to remove the scar left by the loss of embryonic life. In that case, a father will feel helpless and hopeless in dealing with both his own emotions and the grief of his partner.
Strategies for Coping
The five phases of sorrow are likely to be felt by both of you (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). Because you won’t always go in a specific order and because each process can take a varied amount of time, the two of you are frequently in various emotional states. You must allow each other the space to deal with sadness in your own unique way.
Learn what to say and what to avoid saying. A lot of mothers who have miscarried have advised their husbands not to try to comfort them by telling them, “You can still have other kids.” To mom, this baby was unique and one of a kind.
Any number of additional children will not make the feeling of loss go away. The way that men might try to mend it is by discussing prior pregnancies. Mom just needs you to be there for her, to be sympathetic, and to tell her that you love her. She will be able to handle her loss better if she adopts this mindset.
The idea might be expressed verbally or in writing. Even in the event of a miscarriage, guys often don’t discuss their feelings with other males. They simply don’t grieve that way. Writing down some of those emotions and “giving them life” on paper has helped some dads find peace and healing. For a parent who is mourning, that can be incredibly healing. Additionally, either individually or as a couple, you might benefit from going to a support group or talking to a counsellor or therapist.
Encourage your partner. The loss of a child is frequently felt more deeply by your partner than by you. So take the time to sit with her, to embrace her, and to hear what she has to say. She will digest the event much more quickly if you are just there for her and support her through your sadness.
Be active. Men will frequently turn to a project to help them cope with their grief and losses. It is not a terrible approach to handle everything that is going on in your environment. Time will pass more quickly, and you will be more focused if you are occupied (but not too busy to support your partner). A project to remember the lost child, such as planting a tree or creating something that will serve as your concrete memorial, is one to take into account. Even something as simple as releasing a helium balloon, lighting a birthday candle on the baby’s due date, or making a charitable donation can help you process your grief.
Take your time. An excellent day may be followed by an awful one. Even if you or your spouse believe the grieving process is over, it usually returns in full force a few days later. You must each give the other the space you need to deal with this naturally.
Takeaway
A couple expecting a child loses a child tragically. Keep your attention on helping each other, and remember that healing takes time.
If you or your spouse are having trouble adjusting to the miscarriage’s repercussions, don’t be reluctant to seek professional assistance. You can be at peace while mourning the passing of that one unique life.