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Being in a romantic relationship and a physical relationship are two completely different things. You can be head over heels in love with your partner and can still be uncomfortable with any sexual activity you guys do. It doesn’t imply that you are with the wrong person. Sometimes, we carry trauma from previous experiences that can make us very sensitive when it comes to bed. In case you feel that your partner is carrying any insecurity or sexual trauma, you need to be patient with the situation and try to comfort your partner in bed.
Comfort is the first step for pleasure. If both of you are not comfortable with each other in bed, it is very difficult to attain the utmost pleasure. Hence, making your partner feel comfortable in bed not only saves your relationship but also helps you in experiencing a good bed time. So, before there is any misunderstanding that might scare them away, continue reading to know how to best comfort your partner in bed.
Reasons why someone can be uncomfortable in bed
- Body image insecurities – When a person has physical insecurities about their body, they usually get uncomfortable in bed. This is because they are insecure about how they look or their body hair, scars etc. This makes them think how the other person is going to see them.
- Child sexual abuse – If your partner was sexually abused as a kid, for obvious reasons, he/she won’t be able to trust you in bed very easily. Even if they do, they can get flashbacks which is a high probability. They may feel angry, disgusted or scared with any touch. They might have some triggers or some things they avoid in bed because it makes them feel unsafe or disrespected.
- Past bad experiences in bed – We all can find something bumpy in our pasts. If your partner is very sensitive when it comes to intimacy in bed, maybe they have had some bad past experiences in bed. Maybe they were in an abusive relationship prior to this or got mishandled by someone they trusted.
- Others- Above-mentioned reasons were commonly the cause of uncomfortableness in bed. But there can be many other reasons too. Communication can help you in knowing your partner’s mental position and what makes them uncomfortable in bed.
How to comfort your partner in bed
If you are really into this person and want your relationship to work, you need to be patient. He/she cannot be comfortable with you in a click. It takes time to resolve things, especially if your partner is carrying any emotional baggage from their past. Initially giving time to let a comfort space grow, and building trust can make things better in the future. Even in bed? YES!
It is not empathetic if you just get angry at the fact that your partner is not comfortable with you in bed.
Tell them how they make you feel.
No matter how non-expressive you are, this situation needs you to push yourself and try telling them what they are in your life and what you feel around them. A fear from emotional intimacy can be a hindrance in physical intimacy too. Expressing yourself out will help them to understand what you feel for them and why they are with you. This reduces overthinking, and gives reassurance to them. It can help you to get closer to each other physically and emotionally which provides comfort to your partner in bed.
Don’t judge and criticise their body.
The biggest “NO” in bed is judging your partner’s body and saying anything about it to them. We all have flaws. Nobody has a perfect flawless body. From stretch marks to body hair. People get very insecure about it. If you are making love to someone, you are nobody to judge their body. If they are already uncomfortable in bed, that means they already believe in what somebody might have told them in the past or just never liked some things about their bodies. Embarrassment can eat up your self-esteem. Don’t be their continued source of trauma and instead makes sure to comfort your partner in bed.
A lot of people, especially men, can be worried about whether they’ll be able to satisfy their partner or not. This can result in sensitivity during physical interaction. Your praising can work as a sense of motivation for them. Keep telling them if they are doing things right. Praise them for what they are. Tell them they are beautiful. Make sure while making love to you, they feel “loved” by you.
Respect their boundaries.
I can’t emphasize enough on how important it is to keep this in mind. If they say a “no”, immediately respect it and back off. Here, choosing to be mature over your spoiled mood is important and unconditional. If he/she stops you from doing something or even if they agreed first but then ask you to stop in between, just stop and keep your anger, irritation, frustration aside. Don’t react passively. Ask them politely about what happened. Make sure they calm down. Tell them that it’s okay and you are with them no matter what. A relationship can only be intimate if it’s comforting and it can only be comforting if there is no fear of saying “no ” in any matter. Comfort of both partners should be above anything else.
Move slow and keep low expectations
If your partner is sensitive in bed, take things slow. Don’t jump onto anything overwhelming. Take time with them. Explore each stage. Learn what they like and always ask them before moving ahead. Don’t keep high expectations. If they say a no or just stop you, you should be able to gather yourself and help them. If they are trying, it is taking a lot out of them for that. Appreciate it and don’t put pressure of your expectations on them.
Take a ‘no’ in one go.
Often people make a mistake by asking their partners about the same thing for which they refused earlier in bed. If you asked for their consent and they denied it, don’t request them again. It’s just a sugar-coated way of rejecting their “no” and nothing else. You might request them to the edge where they just say yes for it but without will. Such incidents can add up to their trauma and can make them more uncomfortable around you.
Talk after intimacy
For people who are sensitive in bed, it takes a lot to indulge physically. If they give it a try with you, respect what they feel afterwards. Talking after being in a physically intimate position is very romantic. People who crave reassurance and deal with insecurities require a discussion on almost everything. Take out some cozy romantic moments afterwards to make them feel secure and loved. This makes them more comfortable with you and eases down the sensitivity war between both of you.
Being comfortable should be non-negotiable. Take your time and let your partner take it too. If you really want to work this relationship out then it is important to understand where they are coming from. Communicate. Try to tell them about your insecurities and ask them out theirs. A comforting relationship can add spice and peace to both of your romantic nights.