It’s okay to not be there! Men and self helping boundaries

Your boundaries are more likely to be upheld if you can communicate them clearly. You should never feel the need to apologise or clarify your boundaries, even if you need to repeat yourself a few times.

Men are frequently expected to assist anyone in need. They are viewed as a source of support and a need-fulfilling individual. Ironically, though, we never take offence when someone says, “He’s a man; he should help,” but only when they remark, “You need a man’s support.”

Men must respect boundaries just as much as other genders do. Due to these preconceived ideas, we have portrayed them as a rock-solid pillar that can overcome practically any obstacle, as if it were their superpower.

Boundaries define where your space stops and someone else’s begins, much like an invisible fence encircling a yard. If a dog can recognise and respect that boundary, so can everyone else in your life.

Palak Sharma shares the different ways on how to set boundaries that protect your physical, mental, and emotional health and help you have healthy relationships at work, at home, and in social settings.

Healthy Boundaries: What Are They?

Healthy boundaries are the restrictions you set around your time, emotions, physical wellbeing, and mental wellbeing to maintain your resilience, stability, and sense of self. These empowering boundaries guard you against being taken advantage of, depleted, or manipulated by others.

You can establish restrictions on:

  • emotional vigour
  • Time
  • Private sphere
  • Sexuality
  • Ethics and morals
  • Money and material possessions
  • The internet

Boundaries may be established by:

  • Family/Friends
  • Romantic connections
  • Coworkers
  • Strangers

Healthy boundaries let others know what you will and won’t allow, even though they aren’t as obvious as a fence, wall, or “no trespassing” sign. In other words, limits provide you with the power to take control of your life.

Why are boundaries needed?

A happy, balanced existence starts with personal boundaries. Without them, people can easily become absorbed in their jobs, relationships, familial responsibilities, or acts of service. Even worse, they can end up being abused or victimised by those who don’t respect them.

These boundaries aid in defining what you are willing to accept and what you choose to reject. They help you feel independent and in control of your choices.

Boundaries can all begin with a “gut feeling” that indicates when you have the time or energy to dedicate to something vs. when you need to say “no.” This is similar to how an internal compass works.

You can live life on your terms when you have clear boundaries!

5 Powerful Techniques for Setting Healthy Boundaries

The key to establishing limits is communication. The most important step toward identifying your limitations and leading a more liberated life is communicating your needs and desires.

Consider and Recognize Your Limits

Concretizing your boundaries is the first and most crucial step in setting them. Because they seem unseen to us in our daily lives, boundaries are frequently ambiguous and abstract.

However, you may gain a lot more clarity about where you want to draw the line between you and other people by picturing your limits and writing them down.

  • Set aside some time to consider your life’s current status. Think about it:
  • What is causing me unnecessary discomfort or stress?
  • What do I look forward to versus what I dread every day?
  • What or who provides me with energy?
  • What aspects of my life do I find draining?
  • What gives me a sense of security, acceptance, and worth?

On a blank sheet of paper, draw a sizable circle. Write everything that helps you feel secure and at ease inside the circle.

For instance:

  • A regular schedule.
  • Positive remarks from your partner
  • Hugs from your family
  • Leaving your work-related stress at work
  • Your loved ones should communicate clearly with you.
  • Being able to choose how you want to spend your free time
  • Rejecting energy vampires
  • Control over one’s body

On the outside of the circle, write down anything that makes you uncomfortable, hurts, irritates, or makes you feel emotionally spent. These are the individuals or circumstances that are straining your boundaries.

Communicate your boundaries clearly

Setting limits in one’s head without communicating them to the people in one’s life is among the worst errors people make. People occasionally believe that you should be aware of their boundaries. But how would you know when you’d crossed the boundary if they didn’t make it obvious where they drew the line?

This may seem difficult and frightening, but once you’ve finished, it may feel incredibly relieving. According to Brene Brown, a social psychology researcher, “clear is nice; confusing is harsh.” You must express your boundaries once you are aware of them.

The more clearly and forcefully you can articulate your boundaries, the easier it will be to maintain them. Boundaries function similarly to a relationship’s “rules.” It is considerably simpler to respect them when they are made visible to all parties.

Set and Keep Your Boundaries

Boundaries prevent you from extending yourself too far in terms of your mental and emotional health, just like an invisible perimeter fence around a yard prevents a dog from running into the street.

However, the dog needs to be trained to stay within those bounds. They must be aware of the boundaries of their yard. It requires persistence, time, and patience.

Boundaries set up by people are no different. The first time around, not everyone will recognise or respect your boundaries. When necessary, gently remind them of your needs while remaining steadfast in your decision.

If the yard extends to the sidewalk one day but terminates at the bushes the next, a dog will become confused. Remind them to respect your boundaries if they don’t at first, but don’t budge from your original choice.

Pro tip: Refrain from adjusting your limits to accommodate someone else. You probably don’t want to convey the idea that “sometimes it’s OK for you to text me late at night” if you previously stated, “I don’t feel comfortable with you contacting me regarding work after hours.” Even though it may feel unpleasant or uneasy at first, a person who genuinely wants to be in your life will respect your choice.

Having the Courage to Refuse

Have you ever seen a person who appeared to say “yes” to everything? People who are hesitant to say “no” frequently find themselves overwhelmed with obligations that they are unable to manage. As they desperately try to meet the demands of all the people and things they say “yes” to, they frequently neglect their own needs.

“No” is a strong word. It may be identified by simple motions or facial expressions and has a startlingly similar sound across a wide range of languages.

However, so many individuals today have been socialised to feel bad about saying “no.” In actuality, saying “no” is the same as setting a boundary. It is a display of bravery, self-love, and control over your daily choices.

Every “yes” and “no,” keep in mind, affects your reality. You have the authority to decide how to use your time and resources. You probably shouldn’t do something if it doesn’t feel right in your stomach. Healthy limits require the ability to say “no.”

Spend some time on yourself

Self-care can seem selfish or even trivial in our fast-paced environment. However, the research on self-care is conclusive: spending time by oneself is associated with increased self-assurance, creativity, emotional intelligence, and emotional stability under pressure. Even burnout can be prevented.

Action Suggestion: For the upcoming month, block off a good two-hour chunk of time each week on your calendar just for “me time.” Inform your close friends and family that you won’t be available at this time. Making time for yourself is essential for healthier boundaries, whether you’re cooking a nutritious dinner for yourself, going outside, taking a day off, going to the yoga studio, or just relaxing on the beach with a nice book.

Conclusion

You can consider your life and your values while you are alone. Your self-care time can help you clarify your boundaries by bringing more clarity to the connections you have with other people.

This could appear egotistical to some people. Most people today ignore their limits or sacrifice their well-being to appease others as a result of modern society’s propensity for self-sacrifice and workaholism. Ironically, they frequently find that this has the opposite effect of what they intended.

Healthy boundaries and taking care of yourself are not selfish. Instead, they are signs of self-love that help you have better relationships with other people.

You cannot pour from an empty cup, as the saying goes. Hence, In order to fill your cup and be able to bring more joy and assistance to the world, set healthy boundaries.

Ridhiman Das
Ridhiman Das
Articles: 115
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