Dealing with anger issues in men

Being angry whenever things don’t go your way is a basic human nature. We all have different reactions to different situations. So does our ability to express ourselves. Anger issues in men are common but not obvious. It’s a subjective discussion. But a lot can be solved if we try to look at the situation with a fresh perspective. Why do men have anger issues?

Again, no argument can justify such ruthless behaviour. But if that behaviour is just a reaction to any psychological distress or suppressed emotions, then there are chances that anger issues in men can be resolved. Let us understand what anger issues are in general and how men are considered to be angrier than any other gender.

What are anger issues?

Anger issues are prevalent across both the sexes but can be seen as more aggressive amongst males.

Sometimes, anger is an important emotion for survival. The problem starts when someone struggles with controlling it. This may result in you doing or saying things that you may regret later. A study conducted in 2010 suggests that uncontrolled anger can harm you physically and mentally. It affects people around you too. Soon, that rage can turn into physical or verbal abuse.

Why are anger issues more common in men?

What you express is often seen as what you feel. However, expression is only a reflection of your emotions. One may exercise control and not express as much as one feels. While someone might be very good at expressing.  Men are known to be more irritable than women. But that is not the case.

Men are more likely to express their anger through an “outward aggression approach”. This essentially means yelling, shouting, and displaying your rage. Now, if we try to connect the dots, the patriarchal behaviour background plays an important role here. Anger in women is not that easily accepted in society when compared to men. Whereas, men are expected to suppress the majority of their emotions other than anger. This results in making anger in men a “form of expression.”

Possible reasons

Many studies have concluded that men and women become angry at nearly the same intensity and for nearly the same reasons, such as stress, family issues, and financial difficulties. But men are expected to react more to their anger than talk about it.

Every story is different. But if we look at different research and case studies, here are some common possible reasons why men may have anger issues.

  • For years, ideologies that promote male dominance over women have existed.
  • Unrealistic expectations of being “strong”
  • Harm to masculinity
  • A heap of suppressed emotions

Conditions for the cause

There are various underlying reasons for anger issues in men.

Now, these conditions are not gender-specific. Anybody with these conditions may experience episodes of uncontrolled anger.

  • Depression
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
  • Substance abuse
  • Intermittent explosive disorder
  • Bipolar disorder
  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Oppositional defiant disorder
  • Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder

If someone is going through any of the above-mentioned conditions, he/she is more likely to have anger issues.

Anger issues can be very harsh on one’s mental as well as physical health. It may result in causing issues like-

  • Coronary heart disease
  • Diabetes
  • High blood pressure
  • Accidents due to rage
  • Stroke
  • Increased alcohol consumption.

How to tell a man about his anger issues.

If you feel that a man is acting out and the above-mentioned situations can be a reason, it is important to cure that. As we say, a problem is half solved once identified. Self-introspection is key, but sometimes the reasons are very blurred in our subconscious. And of course, as soon as he knows and accepts, the management process can begin.

So, before telling a man that he has anger issues, make sure it’s a safe environment, any place where no unfortunate consequence of anger can take place. A place where he can open up about it. Investigate the solutions that can assist him. Also, firstly, it is very essential for you to educate yourself about the issue before confronting somebody. If you feel that the intensity is too high, seek help from a professional. Make sure he is in a calm and composed state.

Don’t just shoot statements at him. One statement at a time. Be very patient and let him process whatever you say.

It is very important to check if he is fine when you are talking. Ensure him that it is going to be okay.

Signs that a man has anger issues

If someone is angry, this doesn’t mean that they have anger issues. Anger as an emotion is inevitable and very basic and can hit anybody in an unpleasant environment or situation. People with anger issues have a pattern. Some consistent behavioural traits are an indication that a man is having anger issues. These signs include

He is unable to control his emotions.

When a man has anger issues, his emotions swing to extremes quickly. One minute you can see him showering all the love on his surroundings, and the next moment he can be intensely mad over a little thing. It is very difficult to predict what kind of reaction might come up.

He apologises but doesn’t change.

Anger issues in men are not easy to solve and take time and patience, along with determination.

There are chances that a man with anger issues realises his mistake very soon. He may apologise for it too. But you won’t see a change in the pattern. Eventually, he will end up being angry about the same thing he apologised earlier for.

He’s always quick to judge-

Due to these sudden emotional swings, he might be very quick to judge, react accordingly. He may have prepared his mind according to his assumptions and would believe what he wanted to. The realisation may hit later if someone clears the misunderstanding calmly. But it takes a lot of patience and empathy to do so.

He crosses the line-

Everybody has their own personal boundaries. A man with anger issues might cross that boundary. It can be verbal or physical. It’s almost like losing control over themselves. But letting him cross the line should not be a cost to help him out. 

How to manage anger issues in men

Seeking help from a professional who can advise you according to your situation is the best way to help yourself out. Other than that, some changes in your lifestyle can help in coping up the anger issues-

  • Try to talk it out with somebody you trust
  • Keeping distance from triggering people, things, or places
  • Indulging less in a number of situations that are mentally unpleasant.
  • Exercising
  • Humour is the key to lightening the situation
  • Writing out any distressing emotion
  • Finding a personal place where you can let it out by screaming or crying.
  • Music
  • Practising calming activities like meditation or block breathing (counting while inhaling, holding and exhaling)
  • Distracting self with a hobby

Conclusion –

When we talk about acceptance, it should be initiated by accepting your own self . Admitting that you may have anger issues is a sign of strength. Don’t hesitate to seek help. If you feel that any man around you has symptoms, try to help them out. After all, “an angry young man” might seem fascinating but isn’t healthy for himself and his surroundings.

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