As an Andrologist, it is very common to get emails asking for help related to a bad experience or failure to perform on the first night. Most patients are trying sex for the first time, and unfortunately, many of them do not have a smooth experience. Some problems are common, and others are unique. Here are the five most common problems that I get consulted for:
Ejaculated too early
Most men are habitual to self-stimulation, and the initial encounter with a partner makes them ejaculate at the very sight or the first touch. The story ends before it begins, and it is a huge letdown for most men on the first night. Once the refractory period starts, it is difficult to induce an erection too soon, as there is a latency period between orgasms for the majority of men. The sexual or visual stimulation is generally too strong, and the event is associated with so many expectations that rapid stimulation and early ejaculation are natural. Subsequently, it may get better once you are used to the stimuli. I do not advise any therapy for this, but if it occurs too often, you may need some help. If the ejaculation occurs too early after penetration, thicker condoms can also help reduce the sensitivity.
Couldn’t get hard enough
The first sexual experience is a big thing for most men, and along with it comes anxiety and apprehension. There is pressure to perform on the first night, as the first impression may be the last impression. Moreover, no one wants to hear how they failed on the first night. Some even fear that they may never get a second chance. This pressure leads to psychogenic erectile dysfunction, and men can’t get it hard enough to penetrate. Erection is a process that involves the penis as well as the mind, and if either is troubled, the results will not be up to expectations. Usually, counseling can help in such cases, and an informed partner can play a big role in allaying the anxiety. The first night is not a stage to make an impression or dominate, but to start working in communion. If the erectile problem persists, you may need some investigations and drugs to help you reestablish your confidence.
Painful sex
Pain is a very common concern for many men. Mostly, it results from being too rash and too anxious, leading to severe pain and injuries. Being smooth requires a lot of balance and toning of muscles that are usually not used much, and thus, initially, minor injuries are very common. The advice is to not experiment too much on the first encounter and keep it simple and stupid but pleasurable on the first night. Many times, severe injuries like penile fractures happen because things get out of control, which leads to permanent disabilities. Many men also have phimosis, or constricted foreskin, so that it does not go back during intercourse. This leads to severe pain and makes a supposedly pleasurable experience painful. In such situations, a condom can be really helpful, but it also means that there is a need to see an andrologist.
Inability to penetrate
Sex is a mutually pleasurable activity, but for many women, the pleasure comes a little late. Initial sex for most women is difficult as the introitus is narrow and penetration is difficult. As men, we cannot predict if it will happen on our first night, but many couples are not able to consummate the first time. It takes more effort and understanding of how to have an intimate relationship before it is successful. There are many ways to avoid this situation. The first and foremost is to avoid making the first night such a big deal. The use of lubricant and allowing the female partner to take the lead is very important to avoid injuries and painful experiences. A man on top with the partner having her hands on the man’s chest to provide resistance and guidance is a good way to go and avoid bitterness on the first night.
Fear of pregnancy
Even if all goes well, the fear of pregnancy can ruin your experience. Most young couples are not ready to have a child just yet, and protection is the key factor to avoiding anxiety after sex. Condoms are a key, and thinner condoms provide a better sexual experience for men. Combined with lubricants that are also spermicidal, the conception rates approach nullity, and you can rest assured that your chances of pregnancy are cut down. Other issues that raise alarm include exposure of semen to the vagina through fingers or breakage of the condom barrier. It is uncommon to expect pregnancy if semen touches the outer genital region, but it cannot be completely nullified.
These are some of the commonest issues that men face on the first night or the first sexual encounter, but of course, there are many new fears that can come up and disturb the special moments. If you have any such queries, please feel free to mail us your feedback and queries.