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You must have seen men listing their height on Tinder. The implication is that women who find men attractive truly care about this physical characteristic. “Tall, dark, and handsome” is an old phrase used by almost every second girl to describe her ideal date. I’ve even seen girls reject guys just because they are not “tall enough” for them. Dating preference is completely subjective. But this shame goes much beyond the concept of choice and preference. Some people suggest that a valid reason could be that girls like being held and hugging a taller guy because it feels safer and warmer. A much more hidden and possibly indirect reason could be years and years of male dominance over women, which led society to believe that a taller guy represents superiority in terms of dominance, status, and power.
Whereas, if we link this whole concept with body stereotyping, a guy asking for a fair girl is suddenly offensive.
How insecurity about height is born
Feelings are completely subjective. No one can control them other than the person himself. But other than that, setting physical standards so rigidly is not completely correct.
No doubt, almost every attraction starts on the basis of physical liking, and as time passes, other aspects become more important to consider.
It’s common for women to prefer to date men who are above a certain height, particularly a height higher than their own. Women openly advertise this standard in their dating profiles and use dating apps’ height filters to narrow down their search results. Even so, it’s common for individuals to express disbelief that men experience this kind of treatment to the extent that it requires complaining about it.
When people make fun of males for expressing their nervousness about their height, it’s worse than that kind of gaslighting.
All this behaviour tends to make men feel “less of a man” if they are shorter.
How can you embrace your height as a man?
Control your thoughts
Changing your thinking is much easier said than done. Having said that, you can stave off unfavourable feelings by reminding yourself that impressions of your own flaws are just that—perceptions. Try to become more conscious of your cognitive habits to begin doing so. Recognising and naming your ideas entails doing this.
For instance, when you criticise your height, you’re displaying a cognitive bias that causes you to place too much emphasis on this particular physical characteristic. Call your thoughts to attention and change them!
It’s beneficial to consult a cognitive-behavioral therapist for assistance with thinking awareness. They will assist you in developing mindfulness so that you can recognise when you are having unfavourable thoughts and change them to more constructive ones.
Consider writing down the sources of your perceptions of shortness.You can question the veracity of your thoughts by identifying their source.
Focus on physical advantages
There are some unquestionable benefits to being a short male, even though it might not always feel that way. You most likely find it easier to gain and keep muscle. A lower centre of gravity may also provide other possible physical benefits, such as increased quickness and agility.
Remember that attraction is an entirely subjective thing. Just as certain people are drawn to bald or beardless males, some potential partners will undoubtedly prefer short men. Choice and preference is not biased on the basis being taller or shorter.
In addition to their physical advantages, shorter men lived longer, had more stable marriages, had less cancer, and were more sexually active.
Think about the practical advantages
Think about the advantages in real life. There are other observable advantages to being short, besides power and agility. For instance, you’ll probably find it simpler to maintain comfort in a variety of settings, such as compact cars and aeroplane seats. There are always relative advantages for people of any height, despite the fact that these factors might not appear significant.
Remind yourself what you like about others
Recall the qualities that you appreciate in others. Consider the traits that you appreciate in other individuals. Consider in particular what makes you cherish your relationships with particular people and what makes you love their company. Most likely, you weren’t overly concerned with their height. Being taller is not your criteria to like them.
Consider, though, what people might appreciate about you. The truth is that your behavior, rather than your size, has a considerably greater influence on your reputation than your stature.
Write down all the qualities you enjoy about yourself if you’re constantly depressed about your height. Don’t restrict the list to only physical characteristics. As you review the list, consider which elements are most essential to you.
Look for people your own height as role models. To overcome feeling vertically challenged, identify some of your best role models and try to follow their example.
It’s all about you
Men frequently experience trauma from bullying, criticism, and comparison to imagined social expectations. Men’s anxieties about their physical appearance aren’t expressed enough. It is crucial for guys to develop a positive self-image as they move forward in their recovery and to embrace every aspect of who they are. At the end of the day, the personality you carry matters more than this taller or shorter concept.